November 23, 2011
Top Ten Things to Never Say at The Thanksgiving Dinner Table - 69
by Benny Spies
Three pounds of turkey, two scoops of green bean casserole, a mound of stuffing, a heaping pile of sweet potatoes with toasted marshmallows on top, plenty of mashed potatoes, a bowl of my Aunt Gail’s green jell-o salad and twenty-seven sweet pickles, followed up with two pieces of my mother’s famous pumpkin pie is pretty close to what I eat on Thanksgiving. And this is only the first round. The second helping, after a two hour nap, is usually followed up with three or four turkey sandwiches. Every year I eat so darn much that I get sick. It’s not too often that I get a good home cooked meal. It’s usually a sub-par burger from an Applebee’s along an interstate somewhere, although, I am a big fan of the Shrimp and Parmesan steak.
I think it’s safe to say, in the best way possible, that I’m the black sheep of our family. (Side note, I like that song by John Anderson.) I’m always taking things a little too far, cracking the first joke and saying the wrong thing. It’s all about timing. But I do get a lot of laughs. When my grandparents laughed, I knew it was a good one! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times of year and I’m always excited to spend it with my family. When family gets together you never know what crazy things can spill out during Thanksgiving dinner. So, let me hear ‘em and have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! Tuuuuurrrrrrrrkkkeeyyyyyyyy!!!
Here’s mine: This turkey tastes like it’s been cooking in the TOASTER since 1973!
Write your funniest ideas in the comments section for the chance to win an ASAP Survival Gear Pack.
Last week’s Winner
Congrats captjim. Funny stuff! Actually, there are some darn good ones here. I like it. Enjoy the gear Jim, and have a terrific Thanksgiving everyone!
10.) from JM1993: Use a pair of wire cutters so that you dont have to touch the wire in the first place.
9.) from Matt Eckholm: Hands across america style....so everyone in the hunting party feels the wrath of this heart stopper.
8.) from from jh45gun: Hang a dead mouse from it and let the local critters test it for you.
7.) from trapper vic: Always carry a live cat in your game bag. They're not good for much but they sure will let you know if the fence is hot. Besides they're good for 9 trys if you can catch them after the first one!
6.) from Hurckles: just tell your kid brother to "go grab it, it won't hurt." after all, he's already forgotten taking your advice last week and wiping his rear with skunkweed. or the week before when you told him the crawfish pinchers were "just for show."
5.) from William A: If the pheasants in the back pouch of your shooting vest come out roasted, glazed and under glass, the wire's hot.
4.) from Jnelson64: If you wake up ten minutes later with a burnt taste in your mouth, boots melted, and hair smoking, its probably hot. Although a second opinion wouldn't hurts....or does it?
3.) from Wayno: Try to buy it a drink. If it declines, its probably too hot for you.
2.) from twa32: Married men discover they still have testicles!
1.) from captjim: Back the "Toaster" up until the bumper touches the fence. If a blond pop tart jumps out it's hot.