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Top Ten Ways Not To Cook Duck

November 11, 2011
Top Ten Ways Not To Cook Duck - 43

I’m not a huge fan of eating duck. Although, if you cook it using the exact ingredients of my dove sticks they’re pretty darn good. Well, my good friend John Brakss from Pierre, South Dakota cooks a mean duck. And come to think of it, my cousin Jamie can grill up some tasty duck as well. So, I guess you can say that I “kind of” like duck. One thing I do love to do is cook it for my friends. They seem to enjoy it immensely. But I would like to note that I prefer puddle ducks to divers. There’s a big difference between the two in my small little culinary world.

To me wild duck has a distinct taste. Maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know, but no matter what, it has to be prepared perfectly for me to feast on it. And that’s medium rare, wrapped in bacon, and marinated in soy, teriyaki or worcestershire sauce for at least three days! It took a few years of experimenting with different recipes to finally perfect my taste for DUCK. And that’s where I’m leaving this. Let me hear your duck recipes gone bad, crazy concoctions and random ideas you may have when it comes to the top ways NOT to cook your quakers!

Here’s mine: With a match, because you’re stuck in a snowstorm outside Eureka, South Dakota, and so hungry that you could eat a dirty diaper through a park bench.

Write your funniest ideas in the comments section for the chance to win an ASAP Survival Gear Pack.

Last week’s Winner

Congrats, Matt Eckholm on the big win! I too would like to hear his Canadian “goose” call!

Top Ten Reasons Charlie Sheen Would Be Great To Have In Hunting Camp

10.) from nearlynormalnorman: The camp might be a mere 12 steps from success.

9.) from garry barnes: even if you don't kill something you’re still winning!

8.) from kicknsand0708: Cougar season is open here in Arizona so I would say we would have the most experienced Cougar hunter in the world in camp. Can we say easy hunting?

7.) from Deadeye.remington742: Charlie would make a great fall guy when the game wardens show up

6.) from Dan DiJames Sr.: From being with many woman through the years. He is saturated with doe urine which makes him a natural scent attraction for buck. Sit him in any open field and watch the bucks run at him thinking he is a female!

5.) from Hurckles: "regulators! mount up!" thats right, a young guns reference...bet y'all forgot about that one! if i heard that first thing in the morning i'd be pumped to get out after some deer!

4.) from captjim: If Charlie's in camp theres a 1% chance Denise Richards will show up. If he's not, there's 0% chance. Do the math.

3.) from bradnchan: The only upside would be that you could single-handed save the entire USA from seeing him on TV for a whole week!

2.) from Augustheat: Warlock's don't need Realtree to hide in the woods :)

1.) from Matt Eckholm: I'd like to get him in a duck blind so I can see his collection of canadian hooker calls

Comments (43)

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from fin fur and feather wrote 2 years 35 weeks ago

burnt to a crisp over a flaming truck tire. in that case you should probably just eat the tire.

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from bradnchan wrote 2 years 35 weeks ago

First, shoot a duck. Second, do NOT let Chuck Testa find it! Third, wrap in foil and throw on the grill.

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from Augustheat wrote 2 years 35 weeks ago

With a zippo lighter and some chickletts....another real no no for cooking ducks....oh and don't ever, never, ever cook duck with Head and Shoulders...you don't even want to know.

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from Richard Gergen wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

My neighbor Heldorra Phillips, dressed ducks, geese, pheasants for a living in H2Otown. And she made the BEST barbecued duck. So I guess the best way NOT to cook duck was let somebody besides Heldorra cook it.

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from Dan DiJames Sr. wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Dont have Charlie Sheen stuff the duck. He would inject the bird with enough tiger blood and drugs to kill Two and a half men!

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from Augustheat wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

naked at a tailgating event is definitely not the way to cook a duck...except maybe at Penn State...then that's the only way to go....

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from woofbarkenarf wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

remove feathers, gut, and wash duck. Singe philoplumes with flame from a gasoline torch.stuff duck with fresh whole european swallows. Dig a hole one and a half feet deep, wrap duck in aluminum foil, and bury. Make a fire over the duck, and burn for twelve hours.Dig the whole mess up, and serve with truffle patties and Brandy (flambee)with a fried egg on top, and garnish with lark's vomit.

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from trapper vic wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Beer butt duck: shove a 16 oz unopened budwiezer up the ducks butt place on the grill on high. When he explodes he's done! drink the rest of the Bud and serve with brown rice.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from Hurckles wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

worst way to cook a duck? Without bacon!

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from max klepper wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Early preparating includeds dousing in some secret ingredients(pencil lead) than soak it in some vinegar and put in the easy bake oven (on high) for at least 2-3 years.Boom you got your self a slightly rotten/toxic decay of duck that is clearly not eddible. P.S. if in ingested anyway call physicican immediately.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from pineywoods wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Marinate plucked duck in kerosene overnight.
Pat dry, coat body in Pepto Bismol and roll in cayenne pepper.
Stuff body cavity with pureed green persimmons.
Place on the engine of your truck (diesel preferred) for 250 miles or idle for four hours.
Garnish with bitterweed.
Serve to In-laws.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from gilley75 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I call it pond water surprise: mix your Mallard fillets with merganser fillets and grill together. When your friends face turns green and the grilled merg fillet goes shooting across the room yell "surprise!!!"

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from TM1 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I once attempted to cook a duck during wabbit season. It was so embawwassing. - E. Fudd.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from MichMade wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Don,t try this in your neck of the woods. In the muffler of the DNR officers truck whose busting your chops about your dog craping in the lot of the boat launch

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from Hurckles wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I'd cook it up like they did in that Chinese restaurant scene from the movie 'A Christmas Story,' when they brought it out with the head still on and the mom screamed. Classic!

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from BubbaK wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Ways NOT to prepare a duck? don't use my cousin's steak recipe:

Wipe its nose, smack the bill off its face, trot it past a match, and throw it on a plate!

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from JM1993 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Step 1: Kill duck(TIP: Leave whole, feathers and innards add flavor).
Step 2: Buy climbing boots.
Step 3: Climb a nuclear power plant smokestack.
Step 4: Smoke duck(Caution, overcooking may cause duck to become a zombie).
Step 5: Eat before you climb back down; you will most likely be sent to a mental hospital or jail.

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from GaBoy1990 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Step one shoot duck, Step two transport duck to cob adder Iraq, Step three marinate in euphrates river south of Nasiria for 1 week, Step four insert MRE heater in body cavity until desired temperature. Note if undercooked remove MRE heater insert thermite grenade pull pin release spoon and cook until grenade burns out. Home recipie i call it soldiers improvising.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bradnchan wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Just go with the tried and true Cajun-style "turduckin." A duck inside a chicken inside a turkey. Everyone gets their favorite meat and piece. Three times the goodness.

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from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I call it duck soup for obvious reasons. It's fast and...well it's duck soup! Toss boned duck into food processor along with 4 large oranges, 2 medium onions, 3 TBSPs of dried pond scum, and 2 cattail spikes. Mix until creamy. Add 1 pint soy sauce, 1 quart orange sherbet ice cream, and 2 quarts of vodka. Puree until smooth and slimey. Pour into large dutch oven and heat until luke warm. Garnish with lilly pads. DO NOT OVERHEAT AS YOU WILL RISK COOKING OFF THE VODKA! Serves 4. Perfect for sipping around the campfire after a successful day of duck hunting. MMM...now that's good duck!

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from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Breast out duck
Cut into quarter inch slices
Put in toaster
Slather in peanut butter

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

For Garry barnes: What's a rainbow retreat? Sorry about getting your name wrong.

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from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

For farry barnes: What's a rainbow retreat?

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from Johnnie wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Attach fishing line to duck, go to local farm and cast duck into the liquid manure tank. Let duck marinate in liquid manure for two days. Retrieve duck from tank and take home. Season marinated duck with favorite seasonings. Slowly roast duck outside over a slow roasting fire. Consume cooked duck. You will think "Boy this sh*t tastes great! Too bad the duck doesn't taste as good."

+2 Good Comment? | | Report
from Dan DiJames Sr. wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

DON'T! have your wife cook it.

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from jhartwig24 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

This is my favorite recipe for those late season long cold days in the duck blind.
First, you must shoot a duck. Once retrieved, take the time to gut the duck. Now with some smelly slew water, or fresh yellow snow, clean the inside of the duck as best you can. Then remove the head and neck so that you will have a hole where the neck was. You will now have a clean passage way through the duck from the bottom of the duck up through the neck. Now slide the duck down onto your gun barrel about 12" Now to cook the duck, you will need to rapidly shoot 3 more boxes of shells to make sure your gun barrel will get nice and hot. Note: Keep the feathers on the duck until after its done cooking. This trick will help keep more heat in and it will help cook faster. After done cooking, remove the wings, feet, and all the feathers...Enjoy!!!

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from captjim wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Step 1. Slather duck in Ketchup.
Step 2. Cook in daughters Easy Bake Oven for 3 days at 90 degrees.
Step 3. Give to your dog and go hunting again. Repeat if necessary.

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from ishipley wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

alive

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from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Everyone knows that you need an iron to prepare pressed duck, steamed rice and vegetables. As strange as it may seem, I've also found it to be an effective tool for flattening clothes.

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from wvu592 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Duck breasts seared on the ATV muffler.

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from captjim wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Do not, I repeat do not, put the duck on skewers and cook it on the new iron you gave your wife for your wedding anniversary. PS....If you do, don't forget to put soy sauce in the steamer!

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from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

There are no bad ways to cook Duck. Take it from a Beaver.

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from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Shoot duck. Place in freezer. Remove from freezer and shoot duck again. Clean 2 pounds of duck crap from freezer. The rest of the recipe is a family secret.

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from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Society may not agree with people's religious beliefs, Benny, but I think they will take a dim view of cooking quakers.

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from Bubba Jenkins wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

"Slow" roast it on the grill basted in bbq sauce, then drink so much eggnog that you fall asleep and wake up to your bbq roasted "duck"

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from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Over a flaming ash tray

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from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Warm up car. Open hood. Insert duck. Close hood. Cook 30 min at 6000rpm.

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from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Three words...bed dutch oven

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from bigcat wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

30 minute road flare inserted either end!

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from garry barnes wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

with nearlynormalnorman at a rainbow retreat.sorry for the miss user name Norman.

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from ishipley wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

With the feathers on

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from garry barnes wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

with normalynormalnorm at a rainbow retreat. you go girl!

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from JM1993 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Fried in beer batter...me and my friend aren't exactly Iron Chef material.

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Post a Comment (200 characters or less)

from Johnnie wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Attach fishing line to duck, go to local farm and cast duck into the liquid manure tank. Let duck marinate in liquid manure for two days. Retrieve duck from tank and take home. Season marinated duck with favorite seasonings. Slowly roast duck outside over a slow roasting fire. Consume cooked duck. You will think "Boy this sh*t tastes great! Too bad the duck doesn't taste as good."

+2 Good Comment? | | Report
from JM1993 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Fried in beer batter...me and my friend aren't exactly Iron Chef material.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Warm up car. Open hood. Insert duck. Close hood. Cook 30 min at 6000rpm.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Shoot duck. Place in freezer. Remove from freezer and shoot duck again. Clean 2 pounds of duck crap from freezer. The rest of the recipe is a family secret.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Everyone knows that you need an iron to prepare pressed duck, steamed rice and vegetables. As strange as it may seem, I've also found it to be an effective tool for flattening clothes.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Breast out duck
Cut into quarter inch slices
Put in toaster
Slather in peanut butter

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from gilley75 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I call it pond water surprise: mix your Mallard fillets with merganser fillets and grill together. When your friends face turns green and the grilled merg fillet goes shooting across the room yell "surprise!!!"

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from pineywoods wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Marinate plucked duck in kerosene overnight.
Pat dry, coat body in Pepto Bismol and roll in cayenne pepper.
Stuff body cavity with pureed green persimmons.
Place on the engine of your truck (diesel preferred) for 250 miles or idle for four hours.
Garnish with bitterweed.
Serve to In-laws.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from trapper vic wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Beer butt duck: shove a 16 oz unopened budwiezer up the ducks butt place on the grill on high. When he explodes he's done! drink the rest of the Bud and serve with brown rice.

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from Dan DiJames Sr. wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Dont have Charlie Sheen stuff the duck. He would inject the bird with enough tiger blood and drugs to kill Two and a half men!

+1 Good Comment? | | Report
from garry barnes wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

with normalynormalnorm at a rainbow retreat. you go girl!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from ishipley wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

With the feathers on

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from garry barnes wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

with nearlynormalnorman at a rainbow retreat.sorry for the miss user name Norman.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bigcat wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

30 minute road flare inserted either end!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Three words...bed dutch oven

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Matt Eckholm wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Over a flaming ash tray

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Bubba Jenkins wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

"Slow" roast it on the grill basted in bbq sauce, then drink so much eggnog that you fall asleep and wake up to your bbq roasted "duck"

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Society may not agree with people's religious beliefs, Benny, but I think they will take a dim view of cooking quakers.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

There are no bad ways to cook Duck. Take it from a Beaver.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from captjim wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Do not, I repeat do not, put the duck on skewers and cook it on the new iron you gave your wife for your wedding anniversary. PS....If you do, don't forget to put soy sauce in the steamer!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from wvu592 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Duck breasts seared on the ATV muffler.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from ishipley wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

alive

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from captjim wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Step 1. Slather duck in Ketchup.
Step 2. Cook in daughters Easy Bake Oven for 3 days at 90 degrees.
Step 3. Give to your dog and go hunting again. Repeat if necessary.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from jhartwig24 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

This is my favorite recipe for those late season long cold days in the duck blind.
First, you must shoot a duck. Once retrieved, take the time to gut the duck. Now with some smelly slew water, or fresh yellow snow, clean the inside of the duck as best you can. Then remove the head and neck so that you will have a hole where the neck was. You will now have a clean passage way through the duck from the bottom of the duck up through the neck. Now slide the duck down onto your gun barrel about 12" Now to cook the duck, you will need to rapidly shoot 3 more boxes of shells to make sure your gun barrel will get nice and hot. Note: Keep the feathers on the duck until after its done cooking. This trick will help keep more heat in and it will help cook faster. After done cooking, remove the wings, feet, and all the feathers...Enjoy!!!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Dan DiJames Sr. wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

DON'T! have your wife cook it.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

For farry barnes: What's a rainbow retreat?

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

For Garry barnes: What's a rainbow retreat? Sorry about getting your name wrong.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from nearlynormalnorman wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I call it duck soup for obvious reasons. It's fast and...well it's duck soup! Toss boned duck into food processor along with 4 large oranges, 2 medium onions, 3 TBSPs of dried pond scum, and 2 cattail spikes. Mix until creamy. Add 1 pint soy sauce, 1 quart orange sherbet ice cream, and 2 quarts of vodka. Puree until smooth and slimey. Pour into large dutch oven and heat until luke warm. Garnish with lilly pads. DO NOT OVERHEAT AS YOU WILL RISK COOKING OFF THE VODKA! Serves 4. Perfect for sipping around the campfire after a successful day of duck hunting. MMM...now that's good duck!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bradnchan wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Just go with the tried and true Cajun-style "turduckin." A duck inside a chicken inside a turkey. Everyone gets their favorite meat and piece. Three times the goodness.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from GaBoy1990 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Step one shoot duck, Step two transport duck to cob adder Iraq, Step three marinate in euphrates river south of Nasiria for 1 week, Step four insert MRE heater in body cavity until desired temperature. Note if undercooked remove MRE heater insert thermite grenade pull pin release spoon and cook until grenade burns out. Home recipie i call it soldiers improvising.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from JM1993 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Step 1: Kill duck(TIP: Leave whole, feathers and innards add flavor).
Step 2: Buy climbing boots.
Step 3: Climb a nuclear power plant smokestack.
Step 4: Smoke duck(Caution, overcooking may cause duck to become a zombie).
Step 5: Eat before you climb back down; you will most likely be sent to a mental hospital or jail.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from BubbaK wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Ways NOT to prepare a duck? don't use my cousin's steak recipe:

Wipe its nose, smack the bill off its face, trot it past a match, and throw it on a plate!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Hurckles wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I'd cook it up like they did in that Chinese restaurant scene from the movie 'A Christmas Story,' when they brought it out with the head still on and the mom screamed. Classic!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from MichMade wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Don,t try this in your neck of the woods. In the muffler of the DNR officers truck whose busting your chops about your dog craping in the lot of the boat launch

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from TM1 wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

I once attempted to cook a duck during wabbit season. It was so embawwassing. - E. Fudd.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from max klepper wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

Early preparating includeds dousing in some secret ingredients(pencil lead) than soak it in some vinegar and put in the easy bake oven (on high) for at least 2-3 years.Boom you got your self a slightly rotten/toxic decay of duck that is clearly not eddible. P.S. if in ingested anyway call physicican immediately.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Hurckles wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

worst way to cook a duck? Without bacon!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from woofbarkenarf wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

remove feathers, gut, and wash duck. Singe philoplumes with flame from a gasoline torch.stuff duck with fresh whole european swallows. Dig a hole one and a half feet deep, wrap duck in aluminum foil, and bury. Make a fire over the duck, and burn for twelve hours.Dig the whole mess up, and serve with truffle patties and Brandy (flambee)with a fried egg on top, and garnish with lark's vomit.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Augustheat wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

naked at a tailgating event is definitely not the way to cook a duck...except maybe at Penn State...then that's the only way to go....

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Richard Gergen wrote 2 years 36 weeks ago

My neighbor Heldorra Phillips, dressed ducks, geese, pheasants for a living in H2Otown. And she made the BEST barbecued duck. So I guess the best way NOT to cook duck was let somebody besides Heldorra cook it.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Augustheat wrote 2 years 35 weeks ago

With a zippo lighter and some chickletts....another real no no for cooking ducks....oh and don't ever, never, ever cook duck with Head and Shoulders...you don't even want to know.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bradnchan wrote 2 years 35 weeks ago

First, shoot a duck. Second, do NOT let Chuck Testa find it! Third, wrap in foil and throw on the grill.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from fin fur and feather wrote 2 years 35 weeks ago

burnt to a crisp over a flaming truck tire. in that case you should probably just eat the tire.

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