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December 02, 2011
Top Ten Country Song Titles That Never Quite Made It - 48
by Benny Spies
Willie Nelson’s "On The Road Again" is the first song I can remember tappin’ the ol' toe to. In my early days, my Dad and I would drive three hours to shoot geese on the Missouri River, and it played every time we cruised down the highway. At that point in time Willie had me convinced that I was going to be a country music star. One problem, I don’t possess an ounce of musical talent. I mean zero, zilch, nothing even close. But that didn’t stop me from almost making “the phone call.” Back in those days, my father helped with the local PRCA rodeo, during which I befriended many rodeo personalities. I often helped these people with random odd jobs. I watched countless hours of his Dallas Texas Reunion Arena show. I had every move, lyric and note memorized. It must have hypnotized me into thinking that I could be THE next country music sensation. I know you want to hear that I made the call to this guy pitching myself, and I came damn close. I actually picked up the phone and started dialing, but realized I had no talent and hung up. I can’t imagine how that talent-less pitch would have gone! Honestly, I wish I had called and recorded it. That’s a true story folks! Benny’s an idiot! Back to the issue at hand--the Top Ten. It’s no secret that there are some country songs with bizarre lyrics and titles. For examply, Jimmy Buffett’s, ‘Please Bypass This Heart.’ Johnny Cash, ‘You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too.’ To tell you the truth, I think they’re awesome! So, get creative and let’s hear yours! Here’s mine: Sh*t, shower and shave. Write your funniest ideas in the comments section for the chance to win an ASAP Survival Gear Pack. Trapper Vic, Giblets. Grandpa. Funny stuff. Somehow, I can picture that! Great everyone! They’re all great! Top Ten Things to Never Say at The Thanksgiving Dinner Table 10.) from Fishman24: I know the turkey looks a little bit different this year. It's because I ran it over with my truck. 9.) from YoungBuck843: whos up for a song? 8.) from BubbaK: So Dad, has Mom met your new girlfriend? 7.) from Sven_Katur: So Benny ... when are you gonna settle down and make me some grand babies? 6.) from bigcat: Well, it's actually eagle, most people think it tastes just like turkey! 5.) from YoungBuck843: honestly im not sure what it is, i just saw a bird and shot it... gravy? 4.) from JM1993: Don't eat the skin off the turkey, the dog might of pissed on it while it was hanging in the outhouse. 3.) from lafamatj: the 16 year old to her parents: speaking of stuffing, mom dad, i'm pregnant. 2.) from QDMGuy: "The way the wife's been eating sure makes me glad we saved her chubby jeans!" 1.) from trapper vic: Gramps go put on some pants ur giblets are showing. |
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Comments (48)
"Daddy shot Rudolph, so there won't be a christmas"
I'll build you your dream outhouse ifn'n ya'll let me out of the dawghouse.
The dear with the big racks go after the dough don't ya know.
There's a Deer In My Beer.
Goin home there I'll drink myself to death as soon as I get my welfare check
Blatz Splatz & Hairy Hatchet Wounds
My Wife Ran Off With Another Man, He Doesn't Know It, But He Is My Best Friend Now
My Girl Fiddled Around On Me And Broke The Strings Of My Heart
Readnekz r smart two!
"I'm Jist a Ditch Digger Hankerin' to Fill Your Hole."
I can remember a beautiful song from the'60's that for some reason I couldn't figure out never really made it. The name of the song was "Baby I Love You So !&%#&^% Much I Could Sh*t."
"My house got forclosed, I lost my job, my wife left and took my best hunting dog, the only thing I have left is my Big Mouth Billy Bass"
My Mommas pregnant, and I'm the Daddy
Not an original, but one that I thought deserved a mention: "I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better"
Is that a grunt call in your pocket or are you just happy to bleet me?
"back, and the way you follow a track.
"Your so pretty, I'd like to hang you on my wall,
I didn't use a gun, I didn't use calls
But baby I like the way you rub my..."
You put habaneros in the chili honey now I'm hot to trot for you.
I love her too dang much, for a sister.
My pappy said son your gonna drive me to drinkin'
if you stop racing that hot rod winnie...
Have you heard the story of the hot rod race
Where the winnies and Lincolns were settin' the pace?
That story is true I'm here to say
I was drivin' that toaster A.
It's got a winnie motor and it's really souped up
That toaster body makes it look like a pup
It's got eight cylinders and uses 'em all
Got overdrive, just won't stall
With a four barrel carb and dual exhausts
With four-eleven gears you can really get lost
Got safety tubes, but I ain't scared
The brakes are good, the tires fair...
Appletiniville
Me and You and a Cat Named Fluffy
Is that a tent pole in your sleeping bag or are you just happy to see me?
"I don't give a Schlitz about your Pabst, you'll always be Milwaukee's Best to me"
I now can kiss my credit cards goodbye!
We spent the night in the Toaster and now you've got a bun in the oven ... Oooooh Baaaaby.
Roadtrip...er driveway trip since we're taking the toaster
Roadtrip...er driveway trip since we're taking the toaster
ill always be yours Benny Spies
Lost My Virginity In A Toaster
take me in to the toaster.
Honey, I lost my ring in the gut pile.
"When you leave me walk out backwards so I'll think you're comin' in"
That buck I should be stalking is bedded-down with you ...
Don't bend over in the garden granny you know them taters got eyes!
(Commercially-available version)
You've got guns and I've got a Toaster, Honey,
You've got guns and I've got a Toaster, Babe.
You've got guns and I've got a Toaster,
We'll go huntin' coast to coast...er,
Honey, Baby mine.
You've got buns and I've got a Toaster, Honey,
You've got buns and I've got a Toaster, Babe.
You've got buns and I've got a Toaster,
We'll go huntin' coast to coast...er,
Honey, Baby mine.
"PETA sure has it right" They found the fool who wrote that one face down in a tub of vegan tofu.
"Sheepless in Montana"
"Bred in a Toaster"
If you have a savings account I got a Toaster
My Wife Got Lame and My Dog Left Me - I Cry Every Night (About my dog.}
"A combination AK 57 oozie radar laser triple-barrel double-scoped heat-seeking shotgun."- 30 Point Buck
30 Point Buck
Benny's Toaster, Chuck Testa and.....Bacon!!
"Fat girl in the doublewide trailer"
kiss me honey nothing makes me sick.
Post a Comment (200 characters or less)
Is that a tent pole in your sleeping bag or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a grunt call in your pocket or are you just happy to bleet me?
My Mommas pregnant, and I'm the Daddy
kiss me honey nothing makes me sick.
"Fat girl in the doublewide trailer"
Benny's Toaster, Chuck Testa and.....Bacon!!
30 Point Buck
"A combination AK 57 oozie radar laser triple-barrel double-scoped heat-seeking shotgun."- 30 Point Buck
My Wife Got Lame and My Dog Left Me - I Cry Every Night (About my dog.}
If you have a savings account I got a Toaster
"Bred in a Toaster"
"Sheepless in Montana"
"PETA sure has it right" They found the fool who wrote that one face down in a tub of vegan tofu.
You've got buns and I've got a Toaster, Honey,
You've got buns and I've got a Toaster, Babe.
You've got buns and I've got a Toaster,
We'll go huntin' coast to coast...er,
Honey, Baby mine.
(Commercially-available version)
You've got guns and I've got a Toaster, Honey,
You've got guns and I've got a Toaster, Babe.
You've got guns and I've got a Toaster,
We'll go huntin' coast to coast...er,
Honey, Baby mine.
Don't bend over in the garden granny you know them taters got eyes!
That buck I should be stalking is bedded-down with you ...
"When you leave me walk out backwards so I'll think you're comin' in"
Honey, I lost my ring in the gut pile.
take me in to the toaster.
Lost My Virginity In A Toaster
ill always be yours Benny Spies
Roadtrip...er driveway trip since we're taking the toaster
Roadtrip...er driveway trip since we're taking the toaster
We spent the night in the Toaster and now you've got a bun in the oven ... Oooooh Baaaaby.
I now can kiss my credit cards goodbye!
"I don't give a Schlitz about your Pabst, you'll always be Milwaukee's Best to me"
Me and You and a Cat Named Fluffy
Appletiniville
My pappy said son your gonna drive me to drinkin'
if you stop racing that hot rod winnie...
Have you heard the story of the hot rod race
Where the winnies and Lincolns were settin' the pace?
That story is true I'm here to say
I was drivin' that toaster A.
It's got a winnie motor and it's really souped up
That toaster body makes it look like a pup
It's got eight cylinders and uses 'em all
Got overdrive, just won't stall
With a four barrel carb and dual exhausts
With four-eleven gears you can really get lost
Got safety tubes, but I ain't scared
The brakes are good, the tires fair...
I love her too dang much, for a sister.
You put habaneros in the chili honey now I'm hot to trot for you.
"Your so pretty, I'd like to hang you on my wall,
I didn't use a gun, I didn't use calls
But baby I like the way you rub my..."
"back, and the way you follow a track.
Not an original, but one that I thought deserved a mention: "I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better"
"My house got forclosed, I lost my job, my wife left and took my best hunting dog, the only thing I have left is my Big Mouth Billy Bass"
I can remember a beautiful song from the'60's that for some reason I couldn't figure out never really made it. The name of the song was "Baby I Love You So !&%#&^% Much I Could Sh*t."
"I'm Jist a Ditch Digger Hankerin' to Fill Your Hole."
Readnekz r smart two!
My Girl Fiddled Around On Me And Broke The Strings Of My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With Another Man, He Doesn't Know It, But He Is My Best Friend Now
Blatz Splatz & Hairy Hatchet Wounds
Goin home there I'll drink myself to death as soon as I get my welfare check
There's a Deer In My Beer.
The dear with the big racks go after the dough don't ya know.
I'll build you your dream outhouse ifn'n ya'll let me out of the dawghouse.
"Daddy shot Rudolph, so there won't be a christmas"
Post a Comment (200 characters or less)