January 13, 2012
Top Ten Excuses Heard By Your Local Game Warden - 66
by Benny Spies
Most of our hunting seasons have closed, are closing or are still in full swing, lucky for you. By now I can pretty much guarantee that most of the wardens have heard their fair share of classic excuses. Every time I’m checked--knowing that I’m legal--as he begins checking my gun and asking questions, I still get that nervous feeling.
I think to myself, “What did I forget to do?” Why do we get this feeling? It’s the same when we get pulled over by the police or when we got caught with our hand in the cookie jar. Most likely, there’s an excuse of some sort that follows.
I’m sure a few of you out there have had a run in or two, or a close friend of yours has been around the block a few times, during which a plethora of jabbering excuses were blabbered out. “Ah well ah, I guess I didn’t know the plug was out of the shotgun. I borrowed it from a buddy.” Followed up by, “I swear I didn’t know.” “Just ask Steve, he’ll tell ya!” I’ve heard some good backtracking myself, and I laugh every time! So, now’s a great time to let the cat out of the bag, and tell you or your “buddy’s” classic game warden, “I didn’t do it” backtracking lines. Let’s hear ya!
Here’s mine: “If Tim Tebow can do it, I can do it!”
Write your funniest ideas in the comments section for the chance to win an ASAP Survival Gear Pack.
Last week’s Winner
10.) from BubbaK: Call your buddies who are at work, tell them you haven't seen any geese, that it's cold, you're hungry, thirsty, and tired, and that you wouldn't trade one second of your time there for a full day at work!
9.) from Drew Stieben: If you smoke it, they will come!
8.) from Casey Walker: With the lack of snow and cold up in the Dakotas our routine goes like this. 6 am arrive at pit set up decoys. 6:45 brew first pot of coffee. 7 am discuss if decoys are set right. 7:05 readjust decoys. 7:10 yank coffee pot off stove because it is boiling over. Watch sun coming up until 8. 8 am watch geese leave roast and fly south of river. (opposite direction of our pit) 9 am cook breakfast. 9:45 Buddy runs 300 yards to his "tree" to do his business. (you can set your grandpa's best time piece by it). 10 am text buddies down the river to see if they have shot anything knowing the answer. Surf web on your phone tell battery dies. From 11 to 3 cuss lack of cold weather and snow for lack of geese. 4 pm pick up decoys as 3 flocks of geese circle our field right at dark. Head to the cabin have a steak and a few adult beverages and repeat the next day. We have had so much idle time this season that nobody falls for the usual gags.
7.) from Fishman24: You and your buddy each buy monster truck remote control cars and spray paint them camo. When nothings happening, turn them on and let them rip around in the field. It's fun and makes the time fly. Plus you can stop them at a moments notice just in case something really does fly by.
6.) from DSMbirddog: Count your toes and fingers as the turn white then black from frostbite.
5.) from Hotwheels: True story from Maryland’s Eastern Shore: Based on the aroma of his farts and belches, try to determine exactly what Jake (the yellow Lab) has been eating out of the garbage can. Prolonged hang time in the confines of a pit blind allows for detailed olfactory analysis.
4.) from Gerald Cook: I like to play the Blame Game: I blame my 12-year-old son for the binocs I forgot at home, the coffee thermos I forgot in my truck, and the calls I lost somewhere in-between. Repeat the process as boredom requires. He'll appreciate it some day.
3.) from bigcat: Wait for first person to fall asleep, place old motel card key and pair of thong underwear in pocket.
2.) from CrazyWalsh81: You know how on a blue bird day like that you always see birds right as or right after you pack up to leave. Pull the fake pack up and leave. Stand up stretch and say loudly, "Well time to leave no birds around here" and everyone else needs to follow suit. Empty your guns, make some noise of packing bags, send someone off to get the truck, or actually leave. Then reload sit and wait 5 minutes, Birds will appear(I swear). 40% of the time it works all the time.
1.) from grantorrin: We have a mannequin head that my sister got in hair school. The hair is all chopped up and someone drew big alien eyes on it a long time ago. When things get slow in the goose pit, I sneak it out of my pack, lay it on the ground face up and put some loose dirt over it. Then I nudge my buddy and say, "What on earth do you think that is?" He'll brush the dirt off and get a surprise he won't soon forget. Hearing grown men scream never gets old. I've found that the dummy head works really well for slow ice fishing days, too.