Hunting

Funny stories

When pat McManus left outdoor life he must have taken comedy with him as funny stories have been few and far inbetween. So in his honor I would like to share a few funny stories about the outdoors and hope that other readers will post some as well. As I remember more I will add them.

WHITE MEN CANT JUMP
About a month ago my friend and I were fishing from the shoreline of a local pond. As we were moving around there was a spot along the shore that jutted out and created a small ditch. Having no way to walk around it I "attempted" to jump over it. Missing my mark I landed feet first in the water. This seemed to be very amusing to my friend and a large man fishing from a tracker boat who was laughing histerically. Less then 20 seconds later as the man in the boat was still laughing his chair broke and he stumbled backwards and fell off the side. as he stood up in the lake I made sure he saw me get the last laugh.

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT
Hunting with my father and and two of his friends who I will call Tom and Jerry (along with Tom's son Bob) was always a fun and crazy time. Now Jerry is a large swedish man who is probally the toughest man I have ever met. He also happens to have a stomach of steel. (He once ate a seagull. I know right a seagull. So I had to ask what it tasted like... to which replied S***. I mean really what do you think they eat. The mans favorite pre hunting trip meal was a cup of coffee and a dill pickle and god help you if you were the one riding with him after his epic meal. anyway back to the story). So Tom is also a a very large tough man but his stomach is more of the thickness of a sheet of paper. Well Tom had a succesful trip and shot a small doe. Having such a weak stomach he asked Jerry to gut the animal for him. Jerry being a nice guy agreed. Well as Jerry is going at it and nearing completion he says "hey watch this" (yea I know a rednecks last words). Jerry (Knife still dripping) slices off a piece of stomach tissue and eats it. My father and I turn and look at Tom and his son Bob (Bob was knew to hunting and this was the second time he had ever witnessed an animal being gutted). The look of disgust on their faces has forever been burned into my memory. Although that look only lasted for about a second because it was quickly followed by BBBBBLLLLAAAAAAA. as they both turned and vommitted exorcist style. My dad and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing. Probally the funniest and grossest thing I have ever seen.
Now before anyone goes running out and tries this DONT it can cause serious health problems and diseases.

NO SNORING IN THE WOODS
I started hunting with my father when I was 11 years old and after having completed my hunter safety course at 13 it was my turn to get to shoot. So after several hunting trips of seeing nothing more than some squirrels I was starting to loose all hope that I would ever get the chance to see a deer in the woods. On youth day my father and two other father son groups ( Tom and Bob and the only other person in my small private school that hunted and his father) went hunting on a large public hunting trek here in Maryland. None of us kids had ever had a chance at a deer before and we were all hoping for the best. So we walked for what seemed like forever and my father and I set up on small hill in the woods that overlooked a small stream and a short stone wall. Now being young, tired from walking and cold I decided that a nap was in order. My dad, who realized that for a young boy to stay in the woods he needed to be comfortable, had brought along a sleeping bag for me. I laid down and quickly fell asleep. the next thing I know my dad is tapping on my back to wake me up. he said only one word, deer. I slowly sat up and to my amazement my dreams had come true, in front of me stood 3 does no more than 10 yards away, broadside. He then slowly passed me the 20 gauge shotgun he gave me for my 13th birthday. I raised it up while shaking harder than I ever have in my life, i switched off the safety and slowly sqeeezed the trigger. BOOM, click BOOM, Click Boom. Being so excited from the action I wanted to check right away for my deer. So we got up and walked to were the deer were when i shot. All we found was a three foot sapling with a bullet whole through it,I could not believe it I had missed all three shots. Now my friends were not so forgiving as my father and ridiculed me extensivly about the incident. To which I really had nothing I could say.
Well about a month and a half later things had calmed down and I had nearly froget about the incident until Christmas Eve. We had just come home from the Christmas eve mass and as we opened my front door and there sat a large flat package wrapped in brown paper with a envelope attached with my name on it. I got all excited thinking it was an early Christmas present so I ran inside and opened the card. The front of the card read "who's you pal? Well, ho,ho,ho!" so I quickly flipped it open and it read " Wouldn't you really like to know" "Have a Merry Christmas" and in black pen ink it said "From the one that got away!! " Now I was really intriuged what could this be, who would send me a secret package. So I tore into the paper and there it was ... a large poster size picture of a hunter up against tree sleeping with a large 6 point deer standing broadside and facing the camera with its tongue out. My dad was no good, he almost fell over laughing. None of us had any idea who had sent it. a few months later we finally figured out that it came from Tom and his son. Thats when it hit me , I AM NEVER GOING TO LIVE THIS DOWN. If I could figure out how to attach pictures I would post it. The picture has been hangin over my bed ever since as a constant reminder, dont ever sleep while hunting. a year later I placed a redeeming momento above the photo, an arrow that I shot with another arrow that had stuck together both . I had transformed myself from a young shaky boy to Robin Hood.