In a move that is sure to get him play with ladies all around the world, Nick Richards of Great Britain broke that country’s record for the biggest goldfish ever caught this past week by reeling in a whopping five pound fish. The fish, believed to have been dumped into a lake near the town of Poole after its owners no longer cared about it, measured an astounding 16 inches in length. Richards, all of 16 years old, told reporters that he saw a flash of bright orange just as his rod bent under tremendous strain. He battled the fish toward the shore, had some photographs taken, then released it back into the lake.


Of course this all reminds me of the A Fish Out of Water : I Can Read It All By Myself Beginner Book. In this timeless classic a little boy purchases a goldfish from pet store owner Mr. Carp (A carp is a fish. Get it?). Mr. Carp warns the little boy not to feed the fish too much. The little boy, apparently suffering from some sort of oppositional defiance disorder, feeds his fish Otto as much as he damn well pleases. As a result, the fish grows to tremendous proportions and the little boy is forced to call Mr. Carp for assistance. Mr. Carp, who lacks patience for thug children not listening to his instructions, arrives on the scene only to kill Otto and eat him. At least that’s what’s written in black crayon in my copy. I changed the ending when I was eight or so.

Childhood memories aside, congratulations Nick Richards on your catch!