Guns for the Rapture

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So tomorrow is the big day–rapture is coming and a lucky few of us are heaven bound while the rest are doomed to stay here and suffer. At least I know I’ll be in good company (down here and not in paradise, I mean).

Here’s the question: What guns do you keep on hand for the big event? I suppose this needs to be answered in two parts. What gun will you take with you to heaven and what gun will you keep on hand for coping with the coming of hell?

Up in heaven I’m assuming we’re looking at a lot of long shots with steep angled trajectories. For really reaching way out there I think I’m going to with an Accuracy International rifle built on a 7mm wildcat. I want to use something with a sick B.C. that’ll hold onto its velocity and not get pushed around by gusts from the jet stream. So that said, I’ll opt for the 189-grain VLD bullet by Cauterucio. The trick will be to drive it as fast as possible. Necking down a .338 Lapua would do the trick. Barrel life would suck but man it would reach out there.

Back down on earth–which in all fairness is where I’m going to be stuck–I’m guessing we’re going to have demons, zombie hordes, the residents of the Betty Ford clinic and the entire field of 2012 presidential hopefuls to contend with. Not to mention those gloating Philadelphia Phillies fans.

The only thing that will do is a tripod mounted dual mini-gun setup. Yeah, it’ll burn through some ammo–to the tune of 6,000 rounds per minute–but lets face it, this is going to be a target-rich environment.

Lastly, I’m going to carry one of my 1911s on my hip and if I’m going down I want to do it like the Wild Bunch.