According to the Associated Press, Pennsylvania police last week charged 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville with public drunkenness after several witnesses saw him trying to resuscitate a long-dead possum on the side of the road.

What the…!?! Just how drunk do you have to be before you think that giving mouth-to-mouth to a flattened rat is a good idea?! What had Wolfe been drinking? Moonshine? Gasoline?

Not only did Wolfe physically try to bring the possum back to life but he may have also tried invoking religious avenues as one witness reported seeing him performing what she described as a possum seance. The latter probably offered better hope as State Police Trooper Jamie Levier reported that the possum had been dead for a while.

What the AP failed to report is that this act of drunken good will toward rats happened less than fifteen minutes from Punxsutawney - the home of weather predicting rat extraordinaire Punxsutawney Phil!

Is this mere coincidence? Or was there something going on between Donald Wolfe, Punxsutawney Phil, and this possum?

Police had better do a little more digging in this case because I smell a love triangle gone wrong.

Very wrong.