"I won $1,000! In cash!" he announced. I fully expected his next sentence would be an awkward emotional disclosure that he never would have won if we hadn't gone together to the banquet, and that he wanted to split his windfall with me. I was preparing my modest response--"Shucks, Chris, that's really thoughtful of you. But why don't you donate the cash to a church or a homeless shelter"--when he blurted out, "I'm going crazy here! What gun should I buy?"