Don't Worry, Be Happy

Remember The Angler’s Gift From Hell, those movement-activated, singing and wiggling fish that were popular a few years back? Well, the next time you’re in one of five cities, you can officially retire your insufferable Billy Bass at a new Cajun restaurant franchise, and receive a free lunch in the bargain.

What a deal, huh?Billybass

As part of its funky interior decoration, Flying Fish Restaurants--located in Little Rock, Ark., Memphis, Tenn, and Dallas, Addison and Garland, Tex.--have given hundreds of those loathsome largemouths a new home, much to the relief of grateful anglers (and their families) who have heard the contraptions sing “Take Me To The River,” a gazillion too many times.

Craig Nyhus, editor for Lone Star Outdoor News, reports in last month’s issue that customers at the Dallas Flying Fish location receive official adoption papers when they bring in a mounted Billy Bass--and a free catfish basket to boot.

Larry Richardson, co-owner of the restaurant, told Nyhus a surprising percentage of women have brought the 300 or so fish into his place to be permanently retired.

“Almost all of them are brought by women,” Richardson said. “Most of them ask us to please get this out of their attic--or garage--or house, and they all tell us, “’If he comes looking for it, don’t tell him it’s here.’”

And don't be concerned about having an anxiety attack or a complete mental breakdown when all 300 of those buggers start moving and singing in some sort of nightmarish chain reaction.

Like the song says: "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

Because none of them have batteries.