Accused Hunting Knife Thief Gets Point

A man accused of shoplifting hunting knives from a western Michigan store yesterday should consider himself extremely fortunate that he only suffered stab wounds during a scuffle with security personnel as he attempted to flee the premises.

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Not only did the alleged thief use poor judgment by attempting to steal $300 worth of hunting knives, but he tried to conceal his booty by sticking it down his pants, where the cutlery could have potentially inflicted far more serious lifestyle-altering slicing and carving.

Grand Rapids Police report that the 26-year-old man suffered non-life threatening puncture wounds to his lower abdomen after he struggled with members of the Meijer’s security staff and fell on the knives that were concealed in his waistband.

The suspect was hospitalized and is expected to face a misdemeanor shoplifting charge, police said.

“The man was taken to the hospital,” Meijer spokesman Frank Giuliano told the Grand Rapids Press. “We are cooperating with the investigation by police.”

Police said the suspect has a record of retail fraud.

Shopper Heather Dodd, who was entering the store at the time of the incident, said she saw the alleged shoplifter lying on the floor near the store entrance, with a blood-stained knife at his side.

“Someone was holding him down, so I just walked around him, grabbed my cart, made sure everything was OK and got out of the way,” she said.

Here at the Newshound, we simply chalk it up as further proof that thieves, criminals and other ne’er-do-wells are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, so to speak.