Dead Fish Tell No Tales

A suburban Chicago 16-year-old allegedly poisoned three goldfish while committing a residential burglary, because he "didn't want to leave any witnesses," according to an Arlington Heights Police Department report.

The juvenile, who has most certainly dashed any likelihood of a future career with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has been charged with residential burglary and cruelty to animals.

Another 15-year-old Arlington Heights boy and 17-year-old Des Plaines boy also face residential burglary charges for the Jan. 24 incident, Sgt. Mike Hernandez of the Arlington Heights Police Department told The Daily Herald newspaper.

While the PETA folks absurdly contend that fish have feelings, deep thoughts and communications skills, we've never heard them imply that a fish might serve as a good witness for the prosecution in juvenile court, like the one where this threesome will appear in coming weeks.

According to police, the boys pried open an apartment door and stole a video game system, CD player, 30 video games, 30 DVDs, a BB gun, jewelry and a safe.

When the burglary victims returned home they discovered hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices dumped in their fish tank and three deceased fish floating at the top.