According to the South African newspaper Sunday Times, patients and hospital staff of the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in New Delhi, India have recently been terrorized by monkeys that have learned how to enter the building through automatic doors.

The vermin primates have been caught playing on medical equipment, stealing food, attacking staff and generally scaring the bejesus out of patients.

The little ape wannabes have even been caught shooting morphine stolen from the hospital pharmacy and insulting people in sign language – Ok, I made those last two up.

Hospital staff tried to nix the monkey problem by changing entry methods but the monkeys quickly learned how to operate the new and improved motion-censor operated doors. When the door change didn’t work staff positioned larger, scarier monkeys outside in attempts to scare the monkeys away. That didn’t work either. And, no, I didn’t make that up.

Of course the logical solution would be to kill or trap the monkeys but given the primates’ association with the Hindu deity Hanuman, that’s not going to happen. It will be interesting to see what solution the hospital comes up with next.

Bad deity! Bad!