My advice to the citizens of Zanesville, Ohio – Lock the doors, grab your safari rifle, nuke a frozen pizza and stay indoors. Tigers, cheetahs, grizzly bears, black bears, wolves, lions and a host of other exotic animals are on the loose! The mess began earlier this morning when 61-year-old Terry Thompson was found dead and all the cages inside his private animal preserve were open.
Muskingum County Sheriff Matt Lutz told Good Morning America this morning that they are unsure of the number of animals on the loose or how Thompson died. “Right now we did have [reports of] some sightings overnight,” Lutz explained. “None were confirmed. At daybreak we’ll go back in and get a body count … we do have tranquillizers on site since this thing started.”
According to authorities, this thing probably started last night around six. Schools are closed today and people are asked to stay indoors. Police have been ordered to shoot to kill. “This is a bad situation,” Mutz said. “It’s been a bad situation for a long time and the last thing we want to do is have any of our public hurt.”
News sources are also reporting that Thompson was just released from prison after serving one year on federal weapons charges and has been cited in the past for animal abuse and neglect.
Stay inside folks. It’s a jungle out there.