Clyde Gardner’s not smarter than the average bear. Or smarter than the average human. Or even smarter than a rather simple human.

See, Gardner got pretty mad at his girlfriend when she kicked him out of their sometime shared residence in Malone, New York last week. Apparently Gardner has been kicked out of the happy home more than once, but this time he was really mad about it. So mad that he decided to orchestrate a plot to kill his girlfriend.

Being the Einstein that he is, however, Gardner knew that a straightforward murder wouldn’t do, so he concocted a plan to have a bear kill her. Since Gardner doesn’t speak bear, and his animal powers of persuasion are limited to say the least, he planned on killing a bear, skinning the carcass and then wearing the dead animal to attack her. That way it would look like a bear killed her. Genius!

For some reason Gardner abandoned this plan in favor of hiring a friend to kill the girlfriend. Luckily, the friend Gardner tried to hire turned him into the police. The AP reported that Gardner was sentenced to 15 years in prison for orchestrating a murder for hire.

I hope there’s a bear waiting for him in his cell.