Recent injury got you down? Not quite up to your physical par?
Then why not spray some deer-antler velvet extract under your tongue every two hours. And be sure to purchase it from a company owned by a former male stripper. That’s what Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis did (allegedly).
Sports Illustrated reports that Lewis contacted a company called Sports with Alternatives to Steroids (S.W.A.T.S.) hours after he tore his triceps in a game against the Dallas Cowboys (America’s Team!) on Oct. 14. Owner Mitch Ross took the call and videotaped himself doing so. After listening to the famous linebacker’s ailments and his desire to get back on the field as soon as possible, Ross prescribed sleeping in front of a beam-ray light, placing a holographic sticker on his right elbow, drinking negatively charged water, taking 10 deer-antler pills per day, and spritzing of deer-antler velvet extract every two hours.
The latter confused Lewis so he asked for clarification on the recorded call:
“Spray on my elbow every two hours?” Lewis asked.
“No,” said Ross. “Under your tongue.”
Jeez, who doesn’t know that’s how you use deer-antler velvet extract?!
Unfortunately for Lewis, the deer-antler velvet extract contains IGF-1, a substance banned by the NFL. Despite its ban, Lewis using the substance shouldn’t be that big of a problem as he’s planned to retire after Sunday’s Super Bowl.
That doesn’t leave the NFL much time to do anything about it.