When I was a young buck, there wasn’t a gopher or starling safe within one square mile of my house. I think I broke some sort of BB gun record by shooting nearly three million BB’s before I was twelve! About 200 yards from my house was a small horse pasture surrounded by an electric fence, and this was the epicenter for most of my hunts. But to get inside, I had to cross over or under this annoying, stubborn barrier of electricity and it seemed to always be a challenge.

Either I wasn’t tall enough or the grass was wet, making it a pain to squeeze underneath the barbed wire that was below the electric wire. Also, as a child I was demonically curious. The what if’s: what if I touch a weed to it? What if I pee on it? What if I try to grab on for only a split second? I tried them all and failed. But hey, at least I didn’t eat paint chips too!

We’ve all dealt with an electric fence at one time or another, ending with mixed results. It seems that whenever a buddy and myself come across one, the jokes come out or someone is challenged. It never fails! Let me hear your encounters, or ways that you might have seen if the fence is HOT!

Here’s mine: If after touching it you smell a foul mixture of extra burnt hot dogs and hair, notice a large wet spot on your shorts, your middle tooth turns black and you’re hunting buddy starts screaming, “Oh please make it STOP!” this means it’s hot.

Write your funniest ideas in the comments section for the chance to win an ASAP Survival Gear Pack.

Last week’s Winner

Congrats Trapper Vic! I think it was the addition of the “brown rice” that got you #1. Nice work.

Top Ten Ways Not To Cook Duck

10.) from ishipley: alive

9.) from JM1993: Step 1: Kill duck(TIP: Leave whole, feathers and innards add flavor). Step 2: Buy climbing boots. Step 3: Climb a nuclear power plant smokestack. Step 4: Smoke duck(Caution, overcooking may cause duck to become a zombie). Step 5: Eat before you climb back down; you will most likely be sent to a mental hospital or jail.

8.) from BubbaK: Ways NOT to prepare a duck? don’t use my cousin’s steak recipe: Wipe its nose, smack the bill off its face, trot it past a match, and throw it on a plate!

7.) from bradnchan: Just go with the tried and true Cajun-style “turduckin.” A duck inside a chicken inside a turkey. Everyone gets their favorite meat and piece. Three times the goodness.

6.) from bigcat: 30 minute road flare inserted either end!

5.) from GaBoy1990: Step one shoot duck, Step two transport duck to cob adder Iraq, Step three marinate in euphrates river south of Nasiria for 1 week, Step four insert MRE heater in body cavity until desired temperature. Note if undercooked remove MRE heater insert thermite grenade pull pin release spoon and cook until grenade burns out. Home recipie i call it soldiers improvising.

4.) from gilley75: I call it pond water surprise: mix your Mallard fillets with merganser fillets and grill together. When your friends face turns green and the grilled merg fillet goes shooting across the room yell “surprise!!!”

3.) from Matt Eckholm: Warm up car. Open hood. Insert duck. Close hood. Cook 30 min at 6000rpm.

2.) from captjim: Step 1. Slather duck in Ketchup.
Step 2. Cook in daughters Easy Bake Oven for 3 days at 90 degrees.
Step 3. Give to your dog and go hunting again. Repeat if necessary.

1.) from trapper vic: Beer butt duck: shove a 16 oz unopened budwiezer up the ducks butt place on the grill on high. When he explodes he’s done! drink the rest of the Bud and serve with brown rice.