We get it: guys sweat. Real men chafe. And that brings with it a whole host of conditions that can, for the sake of honest discussion, all be classified under the clinical term of Monkey Butt. Whether you are heading out on a five-mile run, heaving kettlebells at the CrossFit gym, or just riding your office chair with a little too much enthusiasm, sometimes a man needs professional help in the freshness department. Fortunately, the personal hygiene market offers many solutions. While these are not necessarily products you would don for a close-quarters stalk on an elk or penetrate the olfactory defenses of a whitetail, they will help you heal after overexertion so that when the game is on and performance counts, you can glide into range with the grace of a velvet panther.
Take a Powder
Medicated powders with aloe and chamomile can soothe irritated skin. Gold Bond
Chafing and irritation are caused by prolonged moisture and friction at points of skin-on-skin contact. Cooling, medicated powders are the original answer to this age-old condition. Look for talc-free powders with soothing additives such as aloe and chamomile. Gold Bond is a leader in skin relief, so just consider this: if their products work for a seven-foot-tall, 325-pound man named Shaq, they will probably work for you.
Try the Lotion
Most lotions won’t clump on your skin or leave a residue. Fresh Body
If you don’t fancy a powder because of the residue it can leave on your skin and in your clothes, try a lotion, cream or spray. These products offer the same soothing relief, are easier to apply, and will not clump up after repeated use.
Give a Gift
If you’re looking for a product that’s honest about what it does, this is it. Anti Monkey Butt
Nothing says “I love you” like empathy. And if there is one area where men can share their experiences for the benefit of all humanity, it is in our campaign for a world free of Monkey Butt and related bodily malfunctions. Introducing Anti-Monkey Butt Powder: talc-free with calamine and cornstarch. It absorbs sweat, fights friction, and minimizes skin discomfort.