Gayne's Life Aquatic

How nice. The highway's on fire. I'm not generally one to believe in omens, but then again--the highway's on fire.
The Nueces River Dam sits just above a low water crossing; a place where families tend to gather to go swimming fully clothed. Why is that?
How beautiful a lake is this? I will foul it by putting my rapidly deteriorating, oh-how-toxic-pickled-from-years-of-abuse-sad-excuse of a body beneath its pristine waters. Luckily, all the EPA agents are far away in the Gulf off the coast of Louisiana.
Again, I don't believe in omens, but there was a dead, rotting turtle stationed at my planned entry point to the water. How nice.
Once I made my way past the dead turtle corpse, I encountered a water bird--with red eyes--perched before a weed bed. "Hey, Mr. Bird," I gleefully trumpet. "Nevermore," The bird hacks. Hmmmm, I'm not sure I like the sound of that.
First underwater test shot. The camera has a slow response time and the flash failed to work. On the plus side, what a pretty picture of weeds.
"Why, hello little bass," I gurgle through my snorkel. "Blub glug blub blub blub!" The bass responds. What a vulgar little fish.
A small panfish swims away, laughing at the incredibly long delay time in my camera's shutter response.
This bass was either attracted to my camera or thought I smelled like Berkley Gulp!
Neon minnows darting through the grasses like dreams through memories of childhood…sorry. I had a moment there.
Bass suck at hide-and-seek as I spotted this bad boy immediately after I counted to ten. I did count all the way to ten, you scaly piece of future fish stick…oh, that's how you is?! Why you gotta bring my mama into this? Forget you!
What does Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai have to do with diving Camp Wood? Nothing. Nothing at all.
What would Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai see in a guy like me? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Story of my life. I stand lonely and pathetic, watching the tail pass right by me.
No! I'm through playing with you. Ya can't be saying things like that about my moms 'n then expect me to play with you. What? You give me to the count of twelve to hide? Oh, you on man…er, fish. You on.
This big tilapia thought he could hide from me. How'd I know it was a male fish? That's between us.
Had my flash worked, this would have been a nice shot of a Rio Grande perch. As is, though, it's a pretty blurry green-washed shot of a Rio Grande perch.
A good-size axis ran across the road in front of me on the drive home. I'm not sure if it's an omen or not, but at least I didn't hit it. Hitting an axis--even with a grill guard--tends to ruin a vehicle and a day.