A Family Guy

By Gayne C. Young
February 1, 2010
With his wife shopping three complexes over, Gayne decides to spend some time (too much time) with his kids at Bass Pro Shop.
One of these animals pretty much enjoys living in filth, digging in streams, and crawling around in the mud. The other is a raccoon.
"What kind of fish is that dad?" "Dead." "Come on dad. What kind is it?" "Fiberglass." "Dad! What kind is it?" "Silver."
"Why can't we take the elevator?" "You wouldn't get very tired riding the elevator now would you?"
"That fox just said your hair smells." "Dad!"
"What kind of cat is that dad? And don't say dead!" "Not alive." "Dad! What kind of cat is that?" "Aesthetically pleasing." "Oh."
"Can I shoot a sable when I get older?" "Sure. We'll just cash in your college savings account." "What does that mean?" "It means no." "Dad!"
"Look dad. I look just like Kai-Lan." "Isn't that the cartoon about the Chinese girl that lives with her Grandpa and a pet tiger?" "Yeah." "You're not watching that anymore."
"If Outdoor Life paid you more could you go shoot a lion?" "Yes. Yes I could." "They should pay you more then." "Yes. Yes they should."
There is only a .5% difference in DNA between these two.
That's the same face she makes when her brother's running after her as well.
"I want to kill a leopard just like this when I get older." "I love you son."
"Can we get a boat?" "No." "Please." "Let me think about it…mmmm…no." "Dad!"
"What if I lie here and pretend to be asleep?" "Why pretend?" "Dad! I can't take a nap here." "Why? I didn't see any signs saying you couldn't." "Come on dad."
"Can we get some fudge dad?" "No." "Please." "Ok. Let me think about it….mmmmm…" "Never mind." "Mmmmmmmm….no." "I knew you were going to do that."
"That raccoon on your head was digging in a dumpster behind Taco Bell not a half hour ago." "No he wasn't." "Yes he was. I'm serious." "Right dad."
"Remind me to ask mom if you're colorblind."
"Who'd want to be friends with a bunch of chimps?" "No one in my family." "They are kind of cute though. Aren't they dad?" "Go with your first instinct sweetheart."
"That guy looks like Santa." "That's Ernest Hemingway." "Who's that?" "Remind me to shake you when we get home." "Dad!"
"Would you like to shoot a fish like that dad?" "You mean catch?" "No. I mean shoot?" "Huh. Yeah. I guess that sounds like fun."
"Is that medicine helping your headache?" "Not yet." "Maybe you should take some more." "You are the smartest 9 year old girl in the world."

Outdoor Life correspondent Gayne Young visits Bass Pro Shops. The rest, as they say, is history.

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