A Family Guy

Outdoor Life correspondent Gayne Young visits Bass Pro Shops. The rest, as they say, is history.

By February 02, 2010

A Family Guy
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With his wife shopping three complexes over, Gayne decides to spend some time (too much time) with his kids at Bass Pro Shop.
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One of these animals pretty much enjoys living in filth, digging in streams, and crawling around in the mud. The other is a raccoon.
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“What kind of fish is that dad?” “Dead.” “Come on dad. What kind is it?” “Fiberglass.” “Dad! What kind is it?” “Silver.”
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“Why can’t we take the elevator?” “You wouldn’t get very tired riding the elevator now would you?”
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“That fox just said your hair smells.” “Dad!”
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“What kind of cat is that dad? And don’t say dead!” “Not alive.” “Dad! What kind of cat is that?” “Aesthetically pleasing.” “Oh.”
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“Can I shoot a sable when I get older?” “Sure. We’ll just cash in your college savings account.” “What does that mean?” “It means no.” “Dad!”
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“Look dad. I look just like Kai-Lan.” “Isn’t that the cartoon about the Chinese girl that lives with her Grandpa and a pet tiger?” “Yeah.” “You’re not watching that anymore.”
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“If Outdoor Life paid you more could you go shoot a lion?” “Yes. Yes I could.” “They should pay you more then.” “Yes. Yes they should.”
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There is only a .5% difference in DNA between these two.
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That’s the same face she makes when her brother’s running after her as well.
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“I want to kill a leopard just like this when I get older.” “I love you son.”
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“Can we get a boat?” “No.” “Please.” “Let me think about it…mmmm…no.” “Dad!”
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“What if I lie here and pretend to be asleep?” “Why pretend?” “Dad! I can’t take a nap here.” “Why? I didn’t see any signs saying you couldn’t.” “Come on dad.”
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“Can we get some fudge dad?” “No.” “Please.” “Ok. Let me think about it….mmmmm…” “Never mind.” “Mmmmmmmm….no.” “I knew you were going to do that.”
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“That raccoon on your head was digging in a dumpster behind Taco Bell not a half hour ago.” “No he wasn’t.” “Yes he was. I’m serious.” “Right dad.”
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“Remind me to ask mom if you’re colorblind.”
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“Who’d want to be friends with a bunch of chimps?” “No one in my family.” “They are kind of cute though. Aren’t they dad?” “Go with your first instinct sweetheart.”
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“That guy looks like Santa.” “That’s Ernest Hemingway.” “Who’s that?” “Remind me to shake you when we get home.” “Dad!”
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“Would you like to shoot a fish like that dad?” “You mean catch?” “No. I mean shoot?” “Huh. Yeah. I guess that sounds like fun.”
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“Is that medicine helping your headache?” “Not yet.” “Maybe you should take some more.” “You are the smartest 9 year old girl in the world.”

Outdoor Life correspondent Gayne Young visits Bass Pro Shops. The rest, as they say, is history.

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