Puppy Chronicles: The Terror Continues

Gayne's dog Stoney has been with the family for eight months now. It's been eight months of destruction, destroyed property and sickening cuteness.
My step-mother took quite the beating when Stoney jumped up on her. Little known fact: My step-mother's blood type is "White Russian."
Get out of my chair!
Here, my six year old son sits where his beloved inflatable swimming pool used to be. Thanks to Stoney's slashing it open while swimming, the rest of my son's summer was spent sitting in a circle of dead grass.
In her further attempt to kill all my St. Augustine, Stoney dug a hole large enough for my son to sit in. Maybe I wouldn't have minded if she had struck oil or something - but she didn't
Pets don't belong on the couch! Especially pets that look like they're dead.
Pig ears keep Stoney occupied long enough for me to get at least one beer in uninterrupted. You can find pig ears at my local feed store for $1.30 apiece. In the past eight months I've purchased $4,000 worth of pig ears in an attempt at sanity.
Stoney took over this fine sandbox as her own private swimming pool. I used to think she got in it to cool off. Now I know she gets in it just so she can turn my living room, office and kitchen floors into a Slip N' Slide.
Yeah, well, I'm still mad at you.
Stoney started this mud pit. My six-year-old son saw fit to expand on it. Where they see fun, I see $80 in lost St. Augustine grass.
"Gimmie a towel! I got mud in my eye!"
"Tough! Y'all tore up the yard. Have Stoney lick your eye socket."
What does Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai have to do with my dog Stoney? Nothing. Nothing at all
Nope. Not gonna come in the house. Matter of fact I'm thinking of locking the kid outside as well.
"Look Gayne. Isn't that cute? She's on your chair."
"Where's my cattle prod!?"
This yard is so nice. It'll be a shame to tear it up … ha!
My wife drank half a box of wine after taking Stoney to her first obedience lesson.
Well, my son seems to like Stoney. Maybe she's worth the trouble.
I can't complain when she takes down a grackle. They're nasty!
What do you think Outdoor Life readers? Is Stoney worth the trouble? Comment below!