The Trip That Never Was

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Last year my good friend Mark Buchanan invited me to hunt with him in Cameroon. Unfortunately I couldn’t make the trip and had to decline. In true jerk-wad friend fashion though, Mark sent me pictures of everything I missed. Yes, I hate him.
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Flying into basecamp Mark was filled with an “overwhelming sorrow” that I wasn’t with him.
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“It looks like Eden,” Mark thought to himself. “But what is Eden without Gayne?” Deep Mark. Deep. But creepy. Deep but creepy.
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A logging road cuts through the unexplored wilds of Cameroon – or so I’m told.
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“Don’t come to hunt here without Gayne!” the angry villager roared.
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Guav Johnson on the left with Mark Buchanan and what should have been my forest sitatunga.
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Had I been on this trip, would that truck have gotten stuck? No, of course not. With my luck it would have blown up.
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“Where is Gayne?” the sweet little local girl inquired. “He bailed on me. Didn’t come,” Mark replied. “Go from this place!” the girls screamed. “You are not welcome without Gayne.”
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This lizard is big. And also still very much alive as Mark ran in fear at the sight of it.
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Guav Johnson (left), cameraman T.J. Shimunek, and Mark Buchanan with his bay duiker.
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Am I jealous that Mark got to see gorillas in the wild? I was until…
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…the gorilla decided he didn’t like being on film, flew down the tree, and charged the hunting group.
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What does Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai have to do with Gayne not hunting in Cameroon? Nothing. Nothing at all.
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Bread molds quickly in the tropical forest.
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But snails don’t, which is why the Pygmy trackers ate them for lunch. Mark swears he didn’t provide this guy with his shirt.
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The outfitter’s swimming pool leaves a lot to be desired.
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T.J. is forced to strip after an army of ants invades his pants … what? I believe him.
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The Gabon viper is considered to be one of the most deadly snakes in the world. This one’s not that big as Mark is only 4 feet 9 inches tall.
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This dwarf forest buffalo is very big. Mine would have been bigger.
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The gang with Mark’s blue duiker
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This is one of the is largest Peters’s duikers ever taken. Still, I’m not sure why that tracker on the right is looking at him like that.
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That the Pygmies eat raw fresh-caught fish makes them men. Their wearing Jelly sandals, not so much.
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This destruction was caused by forest elephants and it’s also one of the reasons I won’t miss going to Cameroon with Mark in 2012. To see Mark in action on other hunts visit www.bigboreproductions.com