SCI Guns: The Guns You Wish You Had

Kilimanjaro 'Doctari' chambered in .416 Rigby
Valued at $15,995 this Kilimanjaro Rifle was built on a Granite Mountain African Magnum action and features a 24-inch barrel, rear and front fiber-optic sights and museum-grade wood finish. Furthermore it was designed by Dr. Kevin 'Doctari' Robertson - a writer who knows a whole lot more about things that go bang than me. Comparably priced item: A 2011 Jeep Patriot.
Custom Mauser M03 Old Classic rifle in .416 Remington
Apparently .416s are popular this year. This one valued at $13,660 also comes with a Swarovski Optik Z6i 1-6x24 4A-I illuminated riflescope and a Mauser Classic hunting knife. Comparably priced item: A 1.02 carat diamond engagement ring from Costco. Does not include membership. Or a pretty girl to give it to.
Brockman's Custom lever-gun pair in .45-70 and .308 Marlin calibers
Two Old West lever action rifles with a starting bid of $9,800.
Comparably priced item: 1971 Datsun 240Z V12. Get the guns, otherwise you'll have to explain what a Datsun is to every kid you encounter who is younger than 30.
Dakota Model 76 Safari rifle in .375 H&H Mag.
I have a rifle chambered in .375 H&H Mag., but I don't recall paying $8,019 for it. Then again, I am getting kind of old. And I drink a lot. Comparably priced item: One week condo rental in Venice, Italy.
H-S Precision Professional Hunter rifle in .375 H&H Mag
This rifle will break into two pieces and comes in a custom Pelican case - all for $5,275.
Comparably priced item: Colonoscopy exam including doctor fee. I think I'd go for the rifle.
Christensen Custom long-range rifle in .300 RUM
Oh! RUM stands for Remington Ultra Magnum. Gotcha. I wondered why a rifle would come with rum. Silly me. Anyway, this rifle is valued at $7,200 and does not come with rum. Or any liquor for that matter. Comparably priced item: Oddly enough, this is the exact amount MSNBC commentator Keith Olbermann donated to democratic candidates. This action cost him a few days suspension from work. Maybe he should have bought the RUM gun.
Fausti DEA SL Special side-by-side shotgun in 28-gauge
You know I was looking for a $26,000 shotgun today but was leaning more toward a 12 gauge. Comparably priced item: This is the same amount that the city of Kemerovo in Siberia believes it will save a year now that they've switched all their streetlamps to LED lights. I'll ask Putin about that if he ever calls me back.
Custom M.A.G. ITALIA Di Giani bolt rifle in .416 Rem. Mag
This 10-pound hammer of a rifle comes with a Zeiss Victory Varipoint Illuminated 1.1-4x24mm scope secured by quick-detachable rings and is valued at $26,400. Comparably priced item: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid. Dude! Take the rifle. Nobody wants to be seen driving a Camry. Let alone a hybrid one.
Azur Safari PH double rifle in .600 Nitro Express
Standard bullets for this thing - if you can call a .600 Nitro Express "Standard" - pack 900 grains of powder and when fired produce 8,400 ft*lb. That's enough energy to push a 93-year-old lady in a wheelchair 15 football fields on level ground! Estimated value $22,650. Comparably priced item: A meniscectomy including doctor's fee. Jeeze, do I even have a meniscus?
Krieghoff Classic Big-5 double rifle in .470 N.E.
The .470 N.E. is perhaps the most popular "elephant gun" in history. This one's valued at $14,195. Pulling the trigger runs about $125 a pop. Well worth it if it keeps an elephant from turning you into a Slurpee spot on the savannah. Comparably priced item: Konica 8020 copier. Yeah, but will a copier keep you from becoming a flat spot rubbed into the dirt by an elephant? I think not.
Blaser R93, 2-barrel set rifle in .375 H&H and .300 Win. Mag
It's like getting two rifles in one! What a bargain at $13,500! The set does come in a pretty snazzy case though. Comparably priced item: A "cherry" 1969 Pontiac LeMans.
Todd Ramirez custom rifle in .300 Win. Mag
This Todd Ramirez features a 24-in. fluted No. 4 barrel with eleven-degree crown, a jeweled bolt, and a trigger pull set at 2 ½ pounds. That means your eight-pound cat could fire it. So keep your cat away from it. Estimated value $12,500. Comparably priced item: This is the exact amount Don Carey was fined for clocking Cowboys Tight End Jason Witten during a game on October 31. Maybe Carey should have stayed home that day…with his cat.
McMillan Prestige Dangerous Game rifle in .416 Remington
The auction brochure states that this rifle has a "barrel band sling stud." Try using that description in a sentence that doesn't have anything to do with firearms. Estimated value $10,999. Comparably priced item: A complete kitchen remodel from North Pacific Supply. Yeah, but you can't take your kitchen hunting.
CZ Model 550 Magnum rifle in .505 Gibbs
Everybody I've met from Africa loves CZ rifles. I know that's not real funny but then neither are the pictures of Aishwarya Rai I put in these galleries and you seem to like them OK. Estimated value $3,379. Comparably priced item: Simmons Beautyrest World Class Corita Luxury Firm Super Pillowtop mattress.
Smith & Wesson M&P15 PC Max-1 camo rifle in 5.56 NATO/.223
Sorry. My head's still back on the last entry with Aishwarya Rai and a mattress. Estimated value $2,046. Comparably priced item: Cole and Co Lorraine Chest Vanity with Vanity Top and Sink.
Smith & Wesson M&P15-22 MOE rifle
This is the first rifle I've found up for auction that lists for under a grand. It's valued at $687. Still, $687 is a lot of beer. Comparably priced item: Since I'm thinking of beer, that's around 85 6-packs of Dos Equis.
Sako Model 85 Classic Safari rifle in .450 Rigby
This rifle is one of only 10 made! It has 24K gold inlays of the SCI Lion and Shield logo and is chambered in a caliber no one over 30 years of age and not in top physical shape could handle, and it is valued at $31,250. Comparably priced item: "Beautiful acre plus lot" in upscale community in Auburn, GA.
Browning Citori Heritage shotgun in 12-gauge
My roommate in college had a "Browning Citori." He said it itched like the devil until hethe penicillin cleaned it up. Estimated value $6,000. Comparably priced item: According to In Touch Weekly, Suri Cruise's Halloween costume this year cost six grand. Insert Tom Cruise joke here. Bonus points if you include reference to the alien overlord Xenu in the joke as well.
Smith & Wesson M&P45 handgun in .45 ACP
I've always wanted one of these but hate firearms that require me to do math. "Features a…ten-plus-one-round magazine capacity." What? I gotta add before I know if I shot all my bullets? Forget that. Estimated value $790. Comparably priced item: I'm getting hungry so I'll figure about 79 large pepperoni pizzas.

Every year, Safari Club International auctions the best firearms at its annual convention. Gayne Young takes a look at the guns and compares the prices to non-hunting items.