Apparently I joined PETA. I received a membership email from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals for my birthday. A “friend” signed me up as a birthday joke (keep in mind, this is the same “friend” that nearly lost Kona at an outdoors show. Judging by the responses on Facebook at hunting camp last week, everyone thinks it’s pretty funny.

I, on the other hand, only acknowledge this whole deal for three reasons:

1) I can just see my name popping up on the PETA rolls and it coming out that I’m a “member” (although, judging by the number of times I’ve been flagged during background checks, I must have a pretty common name). So, like a good politician (an oxymoron, if there ever was), I want to put it out there first.

2) One of the first thoughts that went through my mind was that this little prank gave $15 to PETA. That’s $15 that PETA will use to advance the animal-rights movement.

This is first place where I need some help. I want to get $15 worth of PETA’s free stuff and/or cost them at least that much. While I’ll undoubtedly receive more PETA material than I ever wanted to see, I signed up to receive some of their free stickers, too. While they probably cost pennies, I enjoy costing PETA as much money as I can; I want to get that $15 back. Will you sign up to get some free stickers, too? If you don’t want to do that, how about finding another way to cost PETA money – perhaps calling their headquarters and talking for a bit? Wasting some of their workers’ time could cost them a little bit of cash.

3) The final reason I’m writing the confessional, is that I need some ideas on playing a revenge prank on my “friend” Ray. I don’t get mad (especially if the prank is a good one), but I do get even. Any thoughts on how I can exact a little revenge with a good prank?